jemz

One of my favorite quotes is an old Indian saying.

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

Michael Jackson, the world cries at your passing. You have lived your life in such a way that you have touched people's lives through your music, your artistry, your humanitarian efforts, and your creativity all over the world.

Many of my favorite musical stars have grown up to your music, have tried to dance the same dances, have sung the same lyrics...regardless if they spoke English or not.

Your music has impacted my life. While my father loved The Beatles with a passion, it was your music that he would sing off key as I tried to dance like I was one of the backup dancers. Much to my grandmother's amusement as well as my parents, I would try out all your dances when your videos on the telly.

Despite my imitation failures, I have always loved your music and the message of love and harmony. It's inspirational and one of the reasons why I constantly volunteer for various causes. Indirectly, you have helped shaped my life and my viewpoint on the global community. I thank you for that.

Rest in peace, MJ. I hope that, in heaven, you are rejoicing with the angels as the world cries and try to heal the world one moonwalk at a time.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Michael Jackson - Remember The Time

There are lots of happy things in my life right now. My friends, my family, having a job, eating healthy, having fun online with fandom friends, stressing out in planning for my division in Fanime, partying it up with all my friends all year long, hugs from Fishbot, arm/leg warmers, tea, the blue sky, the twinkling stars, weddings, gorgeous singers, my family, my friends.

So many things that I'm grateful for.

But...I can't help myself at the oddest moments, just stopping and staring off into the sky, and fervently praying and being utterly sad. I miss everyone who's moved on from my life. I miss my grandparents. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss friends I've lost touch with.

There's the empty space that's filled with memories and there's a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I remember. I miss the people so much.

And I pray for those who are going through rough times. You're in my thoughts.

Current Mood: sad

...the silence in which I mourn still lingers...

The world still remembers as we mourn and respect your brave souls on this day.

Sometimes, the ones we love pass on to the next level because it's their time to go.

And others are cruelly ripped away from us without warning.

My heart goes out to

anjenue's family and close friends for their loss.

I feel like fandom has lost one our brightest stars.

May you rest in peace, Anj. I hope there are lots of beautiful boys playing tennis with you or chatting over loads of data. heart1

Current Mood: crushed

Happy Belated Birthday,

halffling!!!! Let's go out for some yummy food in Japantown soooooooon. I miss my Biku-time. ♥

To

bebiteeny, words can't describe how much I feel for your loss. Just know that I'm there for you, girl, should you ever need a shoulder to cry on or some much needed distraction. I'll drive up for the day anytime. ♥

Bambina is addictive. D: NewS, you're not supposed to be singing dirty to me.

I want to flail over Arashi's latest PV, Happiness.

I want to flail over w-inds. winning the Best "Student Voice" Group Award.

I want to flail over how good Jin looks and sounds on today's Shounen Club.

I want to flail over Pinky and Six Senses.

I want to flail over Hana Kimi ep. 8 and Oguri Shun.

I want to flail over Keita taking off his tank top and showing everyone at the concert

shimmeredusk and

akahannah went to since he's shy about his body ~~but not his arms~~.

But I can't.

My beloved dog is dying and currently at the emergency vet clinic.

And all I can think of is the inevitability of death and the impending sadness. With my sister crying since early morning and all day long, I feel like I'm a horrible person for not shedding a single tear yet. Not even when she asks me why I'm not crying.

I am sad. and in shock. She's our first pet ever and my sister doted on her even though she is never home to take care of her.

I don't know what to do or say that could convey just how deeply I feel about things.

Current Mood: distressed

It's jolting to realize that it's been nearly two years.

I don't want to think about things but oddly enough, today, all my thoughts were centered on it.

I feel this mixture of sadness, despair, grief, and peacefulness. It's confusing until I step away from it all and look away. When I look back, it's crystal clear.

Either way, I made this decision long ago. It's too late for regrets.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Tohoshinki - Lovin' You

Grief is never pretty. Ever.

It's something so raw and soul-shattering that its repercussions lasts for years.

It lingers in me, subtley hidden under the layers and layers of my cheerful personality. The gray, seething mass that simmers until it either boils down to a small mass that's easily boxed away in a neat compartment in my head or when more tears, emotions, and ripped pieces of my heart is poured into the mix, keeping it renewed and bubbling.

Grief never goes away completely. Even though I wish with all my might that it would.

I must be super sensitive because hearing about the deaths of close friends of my siblings, people I've met, exchanged an conversation or inside joke, it pours into the simmering pot. Renewing the phatom pain. It brings to my mind the loved ones who've passed on, each and every single one, along with the memories, sadness, and pain. It hurts to see my sibs grieve. If I could do anything prevent their pain, I would. But I sit there, helplessly hugging my sister as she cries for her friend while tears of sadness roll down my cheeks.

I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with always grieving.

Rest in peace, my friend.

Current Mood: emo
Current Music: Fort Minor - Red to Black

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Entries tagged with death

R.I.P. MJ

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9/11

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the tears leak through my pores

Cryptic thoughts

"I just want to deny......."

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December 2011

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