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[jemz]

i'm back...sort of.



i've been dealing with a few things that have just been draining all my energy. i'm all mixed up and am on the depressed side. too many bad things this month.

another funeral to go to on friday. my idiot of a big bro told me about it last night during a wedding reception. i don't remember how i felt last night but i know the last few weeks have been more stressful than ever.

i've been forcing myself to eat regular meals (yes, Teej, i know. i am eating! i promise!) and have been trying to find ways to distract myself from thinking. unfortunately, i can't stop mulling over things and it's been a bit hard. My natural optimism isn't pulling me back up as quickly as i would like but i think i'm just being selfish and too wrapped up in my head to look for the happier things in life.

but today makes me more content than i have been in a while. sitting here with my almost-4yr old godson and getting sloppy hugs and kisses on a beautiful sunday afternoon, everything in sharp colors and the knot in my chest loosening up a tiny bit.

i can almost forget the stench of death and drama clinging to my skin.

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*snuggles*