Weight and Images in Society

[jemz]

Sooooo, I was skimming the flist (as always) and saw a post by emmagrant01 on weight and why people always comment on weight and never on achievements when bumping/dining with aquaintances/business associates/etc.



Do you put that much emphasis on weight loss/gain when you see someone? I know I do. I am totally guilty of the fact. Because I know I have major issues with my own weight. I'll mention it, in some shape or form. But lately, I'll talk of how good someone looks. Even if they gain weight. Because I would prefer complimenting someone on looking healthy and happy rather on weight.

But I cannot deny that a majority of my feelings of inadequacy is my weight. It's something that I have total control over and being told everyday that I'm fat doesn't really boost my confidence. But I've learned to grow a thicker skin to it and take charge of my own problems, including my weight. I've taken steps to ensure that I'm healthy despite the fact that I will weigh more than what is aesthetically pleasing and accepted (i.e. skinny, skinny, SKINNY!). I workout three times a week at the minimum. I stretch and meditate. I'm active. I'm doing my best to be happy with the choices I've made in my life, to be who I am and be accepted for who I am. I want to be that someone whom I see is totally happy with herself, her exterior and interior. I want to be able to say that I am that person.

I don't want to be surrounded by people who will just bring me down to that ugly place where I wasn't happy with myself. I don't want someone to tell me that I should get married, pop out babies, and settle in a suburbian life. Because I don't want that. I want so much more. I want to experience culture and history. I want to learn something new. But sometimes I get caught up in that "image" whirlwind and start to want material things (pffft. I love shopping regardless so I think I always material things) so I can show off. So many times, society's perception of beauty is skewed and causes so many girls and guys to be completely unhappy with themselves. They turn to other things to be cool and/or accepted.

I also think that it depends on which society is driving home that perception. For those who don't know, I'm asian. Vietnamese-American, to be exact. But I'm not the typical Vietnamese-American. I don't fit that damn stereotype that we're all short, skinny, and eat dogs. Quite patently untrue. I'm taller (than my mom!), curvy, and I eat raw fish, thank you very much. :-P Mmmmmmm...sushi. But back to my point. My parents, who are fairly open-minded for conservative Vietnamese parents, love me to pieces and think that pointing out what they think/know are my flaws will help me improve myself. And point them out every day. Which drives me nuts. Because being told you're fat compared to your cousins, younger sister, younger brother, etc nearly drove me to a Very Bad Place. But then I managed to get away from the hot, bitter sting of parental disappointment and realized that I am who I am. I can either change for the better or for the worse. It took me forever (and still even now!) to really like me for myself and not to place that much importance on what they or anyone else say. Because if someone who was not a close friend or a family member told me I was fat, ugly, or stupid, I wouldn't place much weight on the comment. It's like "water off a duck's back". Life is seriously too short and too precious to be caught up in something so insignificant. There is so much to learn and experience to cry over a comment a near-stranger made.

I looked in the mirror this morning and liked myself a bit more.


So Click here to be flattered. Ganked this from natsu6uy. Thanks for the smile, dood.


P.S. I learned how to knit! XD As if I need more crafts and hobbies! I'm so bad. I've been reading up on how to make tsumomi-kanzashi. Tonight, I will start preparations to decoupage the album the other bridesmaids and I are creating for the lovely bride. Any tips?

P.P.S. SNOW PATROL IS COMING!!!!! *_* MUST GET TICKETS. Six, Uyennie, Trammie, Ant, Hien, wannnnna goooooooo!?!?!??!?

Comments

[nefernat.livejournal.com]

Wonderful post!

I am a big girl. Have always been overweight and will remain so.
That is mostly the reason I am not comfortable in discos, clubs etc. Partly because during my childhood kids were always very eager to point out that I was fat, refer to me as the fat one etc., and of course, telling me I should eat so much so that I wouldn't get so fat. Now, I don't eat a whole lot - constantly surprising people when I do eat at their place.

I've resigned myself to that fact now - but I'm 30.
And still, this feeling gets me and makes me think that "if only I lost ....pounds" I'd feel better about myself and not so awkward. I could buy the clothes I like and not look like a badly wrapped sausage in them.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm not a spontaneous person when you first meet me. That takes a while.

*stops before she does start crying*

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you've found some peace with who you are and how you look. I'm still, always, struggling with not liking how I am because I KNOW that I can change it, and for so many years I didn't, and now that I'm trying to I'm so much older, and it's very hard. And slow. And painful.

And here I am in this beautiful ski resort, and I'm happiest sitting somewhere with a book, or going for a walk, instead of skiing, because even though i CAN ski, my body is in such a bad place still that it's incredibly painful, and thus difficult, and I'm not skiing well, which is a horrible catch22 situation.

So I have this underlying guilt thing happening every day - will I only be satisfied with myself if I go out there and DO IT? Is being comfortable here just another avoidance - like the million that got me into this state in the first place.

And I have friends who would tell me yes, and friends who will tell me no, and it's all terribly undermining regardless.

*hugs*

wow... that obviously hit a nerve. sorry for the rambling.

[balefully.livejournal.com]

Amen, girl. I am just built in a way where I will never, ever be skinny. I could stand to lose a LOT of weight, it's true. But I'm genuinely trying to get myself healthy, and that should ALWAYS be the most important thing. :x

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

*cuddles tightly* It gets me as well but I try to look at things this way. If you're healthy, then you're beautiful. Because I think people who are healthy are also happy and that just makes their personality shine brightly.


You are a beautiful person! We've barely known each other for a short amount of time and I think you're a wonderful person.

Honestly, that first step to working out is the hardest one for me. Taking that measure to just reach out and do the best I can despite my HUGE fear of rejection and failure. Man, I'm Asian and I've lived with fears of rejection and failure my entire life if I don't live up to parental standards so taking that first step....I celebrated with a small hair stick. It's hard but totally do-able!

And my parents tell me all the time not to eat so much. So I never eat that much in front of them. But I also learned to eat more smaller meals, spaced every 3-4 hours. It helps.

*cuddles* Try some fun activities. I do some ballroom dancing and that helped me get my stamina up. XD I wanna do belly dancing or hula. That looks like fun!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

But walking is a great place to start! And you did ski on the mountain for a bit so that's pretty awesome! I wouldn't ski down that huge mountain because a)I'm a chicken, b) I'm afraid of heights, and c)I don't know how to ski, only snowboard. XD

Maybe when you're taking that walk, you'll appreciate things around you and you'll forget about that underlying guilt and feel free. I think, in one way or another, this trip will allow you to grow into a more enlightened person. You get to experience all sorts of wonderful thing and you'll take away from this trip a treasured set of memories that is so completely different from the mundane routine of life in Aus. Maybe this trip will motivate you to stay active when you get home. Maybe not. But it shows that you went out and did something. *mumbles*I so wish I could go with you on this tour!*mumbles*

*cuddles tightly* Feel free to ramble away! I know I am. XD But as long as you're relaxing and having fun, that's always a positive thing!

[nefernat.livejournal.com]

*clings*

*blushes* Thank you

Well, on the upside, my parents are unbelievably supportive of me, always have been.

And I hear you on the rejection front. *nods*

I was supposed to have started ball room dancing in February or so, but when I saw the idiot schedule I'm on, I decided not to. I have a history with being overly tired and I didn't want to risk it this year (long story short: I'm on my last year and last chance of being able to get my master's degree before the validity of my marks runs out). So have decided to it in September, as well as start learning Spanish. Because I'll have time then and will be rid of the pressure of passing my classes. Hopefully that'll get me going.

Plus. Have ordered a lateral stepper :D Am curious to see how that'll work out. Taking care of feeling uncomfortable in groups of people I do not know and always expecting to be labeled "the fat girl" - that'll take time...

*huggles YOU tight*
♥

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

hahah...I can never be skinny. Too much cleavage and a ghetto booty!

Yay for healthy stuff!!!!! *snuggles* That's definately important. With being healthy, everything else comes along with it.

*smooooooooochies*

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

That's so awesome that your parents are so supportive! Mine are too but they show it in different ways and not the "You're not fat! You're just big-boned!" way.

*nods* Do what you can. I find when I get sleepy after lunch is to take a quick walk around the office building or around the block. Gets the blood pumping and clears my mind. That way, I get some sunshine, some exercise, and some time to just enjoy life.

Wowie! *cheers you on* You can dooooo eeeeet!!!! It's all a matter of mustering enough courage to take that first step! *\o/*

I know all about being the "fat girl" in my gym classes. I'm usually one of the fatter ones but it's a matter of focusing that we're all there to work out and to focus on improving myself and not comparing myself to those skinny girls.

heheh...my friend is loaning me Carmen Electra's Striptease workout dvds which I will try at home. >.> Oh wait. Did I just admit that outloud. XD

[nefernat.livejournal.com]

Best parents ever *nods*
By the end of the year there'll be - no doubt - a very lenghthy praising teh
parents post. At least, I'm planning one. What they have done for me - no words....

Yeah - we'll have to see how it goes. Luckily I've taken a week off from work about two weeks after last exam, so that I can have a week of total relaxation before I start on the thesis. Soooo looking forward to it. Am thinking of bringing my hiking boots, my iPod and going for a long walk :D Or not...

heheh...my friend is loaning me Carmen Electra's Striptease workout dvds which I will try at home. >.> Oh wait. Did I just admit that outloud. XD

*conspiratory look*
It'll just be our little secret *nods*

[shikishi.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... I never dwell on weight unless it is my own. and I never mention weight in passing to another whom I am not of the closest aqquaintaince with. My bestest closest friend? yes maybe. The girl I know from taking 3 classes with her? never.

although, I know it is bad. I have had it said to me, and it hurts.

(lovely post by the way)

[froggie.livejournal.com]

♥

(If I knew how, that heart would be friggin' HUGE!)

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

*nods nods* I wouldn't mention that much either. But then again, I get so happy when my close friends tell me that I look like I've lost weight. XD One of these days, I'll get that "Wow. You look so fit!" comment. :D

Thanks so much, 'Kishi!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥!!!!!


(if I knew how too!!! XD *smoooochies*)

[goldie.livejournal.com]

ilu so much, Jemzeh. ♥♥♥.

[easybeef.livejournal.com]

Jemz, I think you're absolutely gorgeous!

I understand where you're coming from though. My mom loves to make nasty little passive/aggressive comments about my weight when she sees me, maybe because my Grandma has done it to her for years. My dad just flat out says he thinks I'm too big. I'm pretty comfortable with who I am, and blessed as I am by God with T&A, I'll never be teeny-tiny, but whenever I get one of "those" glances, or "those" comments it hurts. It doesn't help that until after I graduated from college I was a size 6 (2 when I started), and though I'll never be that size again it comes back to haunt me (though I was waaaayyyy to skinny then and it looked so awful on me, just ask Myra).

*Hugs and Snuggles*

[sodamnquirky.livejournal.com]

your icon has killed me with teh cute.
and ♥ for the post itself.

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

I wish you could, too. I wish all my friends could come along and be part of this with me.

But in a way you are along... and holding my hand the whole way, and that's pretty damned special.

I've decided I don't have to prove anything, just do what feels good and enjoy myself, and that's all that matters. I'll keep exercising, and keep working on myself, and maybe one day I'll be happier with myself, but for now I'll concentrate on growing as much as I can through this wonderful experience.

*snuggles liek whoa*

Can't wait to get to spend some time with you, honey!

[no8ody.livejournal.com]

hi sexytoes!

snow patrol...already seen them! i want to see other bands :]
can't wait to start yoga @ 24 Hr Fitness!! yay!! a new hobby!!

[simplyjenn.livejournal.com]

Seriously hun I was reading your entry and it was like I wrote it myself cause I feel the same as you do :) annnd I recently learned to knit too!!! But its true about the weight subject as a fell Vietnamese-American girl who does not even come close to the stereotypical skinny category and its taken me a long time too to be happy with myself and working out isnt torture any more. GO US!

[bluebyyou.livejournal.com]

I feel you, cuz. I'm not skinny or fat, but I was a little chubby before and an uncle told me that I should watch it before I turn into a cow. You just have to continue ignoring the comments. Skinny people aren't much happier either.

[bluebyyou.livejournal.com]

What? You joined 24-hour fitness? You should join Bally's instead. It's much cleaner there. I feel I'm too old to go to those concerts.

[natsu6uy.livejournal.com]

:D

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

ILU, toooooo! ♥!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

*SNUGGLES* thank you, beef!

yeah...my parents sorta do the same. I get so mad over it but then I go out and calm down. It's never a pleasant feeling.

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

hehhehe....I couldn't resist! Eiji is teh cute when he's confuzzled. XD

♥!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

heheh....I want to see them again! New album = new songs!!!


Yes! Aaaaand they're having more yoga classes there too! MWRSatSun!!! So awesome!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

YAY! GOOOOO US!!!

Yeah....I totally feel you on the stereotyping. It sucks! But working out is getting easier to do on a consistent basis. ^_^ Wheeeeee! Knitting is getting addictive! I keep wanting to do "just one more row" before I go to sleep and end up sleeping late!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

bah!! You were never chubby!!!! You're super skiiiiiinny! :-P

man.....why do people always have to judge? Is it really fair to raise a daughter to hate herself because she will never fit society's ideals? Grass always seem greener on the other side but it may not taste just as good as what you've got.

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

♥!

[bluebyyou.livejournal.com]

I love your ghetto bootie and wished I had some of your boobs, man.

[longleggedgit.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

I gave a holla to you on my drunken voice post Friday night! xD

Oh, and I'll make sure Myra and I post that SasuNaru soon!!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

omg! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASUKE!!!!! :-D


*glomps*

[longleggedgit.livejournal.com]

Love to your icon, HOMG. I finally made myself one, too. :">

Also, (NWS) SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! (http://longleggedgit.livejournal.com/275470.html)

>;D

[(Anonymous)]

HHAHAHAHA
YOU knit?! You so remind me of Jill when she was 8!
How cute! But LOL...

I'll pass on the concert. BTW, how was chicken waffle?
I saw Hien on Sat when L & I helped Ant with his house-hunting lottery thingy. We had breakfast at The Elegant Pub in Evergreen area. Super!

tram

[bluebyyou.livejournal.com]

Jill doesn't knit, she crochets!

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

it's fun!!!! Very soothing. ^_^


CHICKEN & WAFFLES! It was DELICIOUS. So, so good. We need to take you and L up there soon.

Ohhhhh heyyyyy! Speaking of yummy food, BLUE FIN on FRIDAY for Vanae's Bday! Give me a buzz. We're meeting up at her place at 7:30pm. ^_^