No one, no one, no one // Can get in the way of what I'm feeling

[jemz]

Sometimes, when my emotions start swinging wildly from one spectrum to another, I feel so out of control. Helpless against the crazy bullshit that spills into my mind, beating down hard-won self-confidence, self-respect, self-worth, I just feel for hours, over-analyzing and then analyzing why I over-analyze, until I run into something that pulls me up short and say, "O HAY, JEMZ. SHUT UP AND BE HAPPY."

I was like that for a bit yesterday, babbling on and on to a few people who are utter saints and dealt with me very gently. Except for wifey. Who bopped me on the head and ignored my pouts. Well, she ignored me for most of the day anyways. ;_;

Then, at the ballet vanae12 took me to, I just released all my anxiety and all those spiraling thoughts and enjoyed the ballet. The Christmas Ballet was a really wonderful experience. The first half is clazzical ballet and all very white while the second half was modern and very red. They danced to some of my favorite winter songs and had amusing scenes in their dancing. I especially loved Santa Baby and Little Christmas Tree. It was pretty awesome.

I felt all cultured, going to a ballet instead of just staying home and watching dramas on my laptop. It made me think about my life and how I shouldn't think I'm selfish when I want to experience so many things before I die. The thoughts and feelings of never being good enough comes and goes periodically and every time, I remind myself that I am very blessed, with friends and family who care about me and all the charities and events I plan for people to enjoy.

Things like that should mean more than those pesky feelings of inadequacy.



I'm seeing the girls tonight for some sushi and karaoke. I also hope my ltd ed. Kanjani8 dvd and w-inds. Journey concert dvd arrives today. Otherwise, I have to go to the Post Office to pick it up.

Dept potluck has me stuffed! After not eating much for the last four days, I am stuffed on yummy, yummy food. And clementines. ♥

Also, Happy Birthday to all the Nov/Dec. babies! Happy Birthday, inevitabilityy!!!

Comments

[dramedy.livejournal.com]

Wow, I really identify with your first paragraph. Hopefully you never stop being able to bounce back(which is what happened to me this semester). I don't have any words to say, because I know that often when I feel like that, words don't matter, or words always matter. Either way, you are awesome and hot.

I <3 clementines. the fruit AND the character :>

<3 *wishes she lived somewhere that had a decent sushi place or a karaoke place*

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

♥ It's something that happened to me yesterday and I just had to write it down.

Bouncing back is a bit hard sometimes but honestly, when I look at how many things I'm thankful to have that day, it puts things into perspective for me.

♥ You're a sweetheart for willingly reading all my whining and a beautiful person inside and out.

Yes! So yummy these clementines.

[ilanala]

*sends love* ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[candy-future.livejournal.com]

I feel exactly the same way sometimes ♥

The ballet sounds very pretty!

Sushi and clementines :9

[anamuan.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

i feel cultured when i do things like that too.