Deep thoughts...

[jemz]

Ever feel like you've been wasting your life?

I sorta feel that way.


I think it's time to pick up more charity/volunteer work. I've been inactive for far too long and I feel the need to contribute to the social welfare of the world. Even if it's just my small corner of the world. My monetary contributions to the Red Cross and other organizations doesn't make me feel that I'm doing something worthwhile. My dance classes (in which I volunteer for) help just a bit but I feel antsy in a different way. Like I need to help out in some way with today's youth. I may go back to mentoring or something. Maybe when happyhien comes back, I'll check out her sister's non-profit org and help out.



I just want this feeling of uselessness to go away. Because as much as I enjoy life, I feel that I'm just wasting time in enjoying all this "me" time, despite the fact that I probably need it more than anything else given everything that has occured in the past 5 months. But I want to add a different or new dimension to my life. Too much time online and not enough dealing with life.

I've been running away from certain things, too tired to deal with it but it's getting to be time where I do need to face them and acknowledge certain things. Things that happened out of my control. Things that I can take control over and make better. Things that are done and I must move on. Things that are too hard to talk about without breaking.

But as with many breakings, I'm re-mended as a stronger person. Or so I hope. Or so I like to believe. And I want to give back. Take everything I've learned and pour it back into something that is beautiful and wonderful in all the sadness and terror. I want to give someone hope. Because I've lost hope once somewhere along the way and now that I've regained it, it's a precious thing to me. I want to make a difference and not be a body who's wiling the days away with mundane things though I think the routine of it all keeps me sane.

But since my life has been hectic lately, I feel that I can't do much. But the holiday season will be a perfect opportunity for collecting toys for kids in low-income homes, or warm clothing for the battered women's shelter scattered around here, or even spending time at a local convelescent home to make eggnog or cookies with the elderly.

So many possibilities. And I'm grateful that I am in a fairly good position in life to do so.



I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and had pinpointed the antsy feeling to this. I wonder if the day will ever come if I would say "I've had enough to give." and then be satisfied with it.


Trammie, Uyenie, Six, JillPill...we should do another family dinner soon. I miss you guys.

Comments

[cmere.livejournal.com]

What a lovely post, Jemz. You're an incredibly strong woman, and to want to help others feel that strength? Is beautiful.

[divinereverie.livejournal.com]

If only I could muster your enthusiasm about...anything? :P

[prettyclever.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* You're so great.

[miints.livejournal.com]

I forgive you *hugs*

xoxxo

[no8ody.livejournal.com]

Hi cousin :)
Yes, even after I've found my calling, I still question myself from time to time about whether the kind of life I am leading is the one that fulfills me and brings me joy. There are definitely some empty pockets I need to work on. And yes...I've found that volunteering my time for the youth was quite fulfilling personally. It forced me to look beyond problems of my own (not that it doesn't matter) bc there is more to the world than just me and my problems. Well, you know what I'm talking about...you've done mentoring for S.A.Y. ;) You just have to find the org. that matches what you're looking for now. Good luck!

Yes, family dinner is a must! Been too long...I am starving!

[bluebyyou.livejournal.com]

I've been feeling tired, selfish, and mucho LAZY. I hope I can redeem myself some day with your inspiration. When my little sis 6 was doing "GFC" I was so proud of her. . ... Thanks Jules for helping with our messy kitchen. Yes, we're due for another family dinner. We're slowly getting our place together...