(no subject)

[jemz]

I'm sitting here in bed and i'm just thinking and feeling. i was totally crying earlier. it was wierd. i felt this emotion well up out of me and the tears just started flowing. I'm sitting here stunned. what happened to me?

i felt like i was punched for the first time. i was thinking about my dad. Talking about him, actually to a very good friend. and i just started crying. i guess all the emotions i repressed at the beginning of this situation just bursted out of me. i couldn't hold back anymore. i leaked tears. it made me feel that everything was very new and still extremely raw. i couldn't turn without hurting. without feeling depressed. without feeling scared. all those emotions came crashing on me as i struggled to face them. and i lost. i couldn't hold them back. they came flooding out of me, forcing me to admit that i've been repressing everything the past few days.

i don't want people to find out and then pity me or make me feel obligated to tell them about the entire story. it's still too new and painful to talk about. and if you know me, you know that i always talk about my problems as a way to get stress out. but to people who don't me that well...i don't want to reveal this side of me and my family. with my close friends and my cousins, it's okay becuz i need their strength and support to be strong. but to everyone else, i don't want them to know. they don't need to know.

i'm more closed now. i don't want to share details. i especially don't want to share my tears. my tears are my own. they force me to examine my feelings about a situation, and that's something that can't be shared with anyone...even tho i'm trying on this journal entry. i don't know if you understand or not...but this is how i'm expressing it. i don't even know if i'm making sense at the moment. i know i'm not making sense to myself. i'm too emotional to do so. all this emotion is leaking out of my pores and i have no control over it and i can't stop it.

all i can do is just feel. and i pray that the Lord will help me through this emotional onslaught.

Comments

=*(

[ngoc.livejournal.com]

i couldn't turn without hurting. without feeling depressed. without feeling scared. all those emotions came crashing on me as i struggled to face them. and i lost. i couldn't hold them back. they came flooding out of me, forcing me to admit that i've been repressing everything the past few days.

It's okay to cry and let it out. You've been under so much stress lately...so much on your mind. You think about it and then you DON'T want to think about it. You talk about it, but then you DON'T want to talk about it. And now, you don't know how to feel but to cry. Let it out...your body needs it. It needs to release all that...and be proud of you for facing those hidden tears.

if you know me, you know that i always talk about my problems as a way to get stress out.

I am the same way. I'm a person who always talks about my problems because I need to let it out. However, with some isses, I want to talk about it but am reluctant as to how much I should share or open up...or to whom I open up to. But don't worry, you are making a lot of sense...and I totally understand what you're saying. Just share what you are comfortable with. =)

Re: =*(

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

Thanks Jasmin!!!

I've been crying buckets and buckets....but now I feel a lot better. It's strange how I can cry on a dime...and when I'm reading the supportive words of everyone's posts.

There are some things i don't share on the journal, simply because it's too private. which is fine with me. I tend to share whatever pops into my head, which also tends to pop out of my mouth! :-D Makes my life interesting too! haha

[dropsofme.livejournal.com]

It's ok, it really is. This is perfectly natural hon. I just wish you didn't have to go through it. When something like this happens, people go through stages, and one of them is being completely emotional. It does not mean that you are weak, it means that you obviously care a lot for your father, and are a very caring individual in general. It's better to get the tears out, it's not good to repress things, it means you're confronting your feelings, which is good.
I wish there was something I could do to take it all away. *hugs*

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

thanks kimmy...I've been crying lots and i've been feeling much better since last nite. Now if only i can get rid of those crying bags underneath my eyes!!!

And just you being there and being supportive means a lot to me. *huggles*

[renew-hope.livejournal.com]

It was so weird last night when we were talking and then I asked if you were ok. You are right. I do know you. I have known you for over 5 years now.

As I told you last night.. God knows what he is doing.. It's ok to cry...It's ok to be angry.. You have to let out your frustrations about the situation. Your dad will be ok...If something is wrong.. Then we take that step. Until then, just pray and know that everything will be ok...

I love you...*hugs*

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

Thanks Hope....it was SOOO wierd last nite, how well you know me. We were talking about it and i just started crying and crying...and the tears wouldn't stop. I felt you there for me...and that touched my heart.

I'm not angry at God. i'm not mad at all. i haven't asked those "why him? why now?" questions. I've accepted that things must happen and to leave it to the Lord for things to go right. I've only been hoping and praying that things go okay for him. I'm just super worried. But I know I have to leave it all in His hands.

man...has it been over 5 years now? time flies, doesn't it! Must know u for at least 20 more years! Then i can claim that i've known you for a quarter of a century! :-D *huggles* i love you, too.

[bluebyyou.livejournal.com]

**Hugs**

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

[pi6tails.livejournal.com]

Cry it all out! He'll be alright. You'll be alright. =) *huGGees*

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

i cried and cried and cried. then i cried some more. *huggles*

[pi6tails.livejournal.com]

Oh...I have a watch for you. All you need is a new battery.

[swtjemz.livejournal.com]

okies...cool! :-D thanks sau!