waiting.....
May. 31st, 2003 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jemzwell...the family is still waiting for the results of all the tests and stuff my dad had to go through this week. Hopefully, it'll be all good news and nothing too serious. My dad has been pretty laid back about it....but i know it's just a facade. I know he's concerned and he's thinking about the future...but more in a negative way. He's been thinking what if he wasn't there anymore and who would take care of my mom and my sister. He knows that my brother and i have jobs and could support ourselves. I don't want either of my parents to think things that way...but maybe it's a justified action. We need to plan for emergencies even though it's unpleasant. I think we should plan things out so we know that we are all taken care of when the time comes.
i shudder to think what i would do if i should ever lose both parents in an accident. in fact, i've dreamt about it and it scares the pants off me. I'm the oldest of my sibs and i feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to my family. I don't know what i would do if they were sick and or went through a serious accident. I would probably have to deal with it. Life is pretty important and it just made itself clear that it's a precious gift.
my dad and i were talking earlier in the week about taking care of ourselves, health-wise. he told me to take better care of myself. I've been trying....to eat better, exercise more, enjoy life more. He keeps telling me to quit eating sweets..but i have already cut down a lot last year....for some reason, my parents think i gobble all the cookies and cheesecake i bake when i usually give them all away to my cousin or friends. ah well...
two weeks ago, ruben studdard was named the new american idol....i've been wondering about who is ur personal idol. for me, it's always been my dad. he's been a pillar of strength in my life. he's the one who always tell me i can do things if i work hard enough and if i dream high enough. he's the one who helps me with my math homework. he's the one that gives me money :-D heheh...and the one who'll teach me how to dance the rumba. my parents have always sacrificed so much to make my life and the lives of my siblings better. it humbles me to think of all he and my mom have overcome for me to be sitting here, spoiled and loved. i don't think i could have the spiritual strength to come to a new country with only $5 in their pockets and not know how to speak the language or know the customs. I admire him and he's always been my idol.
now my idol is sick. and that shakes me....to know that he's human and life is frail. as a kid, i've always thought my parents were invincible, totally superhuman. as i got older, it's always been on the fringe of my mind that they were getting older and at times, weaker. my biology classes told me about the inevitable changes of old age. yet, i denied to myself that old age is going to happen to my parents. now, with my dad being sick, i'm forced to deal with reality and the reality of the possibility of him not being in my life anymore. and it staggers me. it depresses me. i'm still trying to deal with it and remain positive. it's hard but i don't know what else to do but hope. i wish i could make it all go away but all i can do is pray to the Lord for the strength to support my family if anything bad does happen.
and i also pray for the strength to keep myself positive.
i shudder to think what i would do if i should ever lose both parents in an accident. in fact, i've dreamt about it and it scares the pants off me. I'm the oldest of my sibs and i feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to my family. I don't know what i would do if they were sick and or went through a serious accident. I would probably have to deal with it. Life is pretty important and it just made itself clear that it's a precious gift.
my dad and i were talking earlier in the week about taking care of ourselves, health-wise. he told me to take better care of myself. I've been trying....to eat better, exercise more, enjoy life more. He keeps telling me to quit eating sweets..but i have already cut down a lot last year....for some reason, my parents think i gobble all the cookies and cheesecake i bake when i usually give them all away to my cousin or friends. ah well...
two weeks ago, ruben studdard was named the new american idol....i've been wondering about who is ur personal idol. for me, it's always been my dad. he's been a pillar of strength in my life. he's the one who always tell me i can do things if i work hard enough and if i dream high enough. he's the one who helps me with my math homework. he's the one that gives me money :-D heheh...and the one who'll teach me how to dance the rumba. my parents have always sacrificed so much to make my life and the lives of my siblings better. it humbles me to think of all he and my mom have overcome for me to be sitting here, spoiled and loved. i don't think i could have the spiritual strength to come to a new country with only $5 in their pockets and not know how to speak the language or know the customs. I admire him and he's always been my idol.
now my idol is sick. and that shakes me....to know that he's human and life is frail. as a kid, i've always thought my parents were invincible, totally superhuman. as i got older, it's always been on the fringe of my mind that they were getting older and at times, weaker. my biology classes told me about the inevitable changes of old age. yet, i denied to myself that old age is going to happen to my parents. now, with my dad being sick, i'm forced to deal with reality and the reality of the possibility of him not being in my life anymore. and it staggers me. it depresses me. i'm still trying to deal with it and remain positive. it's hard but i don't know what else to do but hope. i wish i could make it all go away but all i can do is pray to the Lord for the strength to support my family if anything bad does happen.
and i also pray for the strength to keep myself positive.
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I'm sorry...
Date: 2003-06-01 03:45 am (UTC)...now, with my dad being sick, i'm forced to deal with reality and the reality of the possibility of him not being in my life anymore.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad's health. =( I will keep him in my prayers tonight and hope everything will be okay for him and your family.
I know sometimes we live life everyday with a regular schedule and see the regular people in our lives, that it becomes so routine. It seems like nothing will go wrong and we just continue on our way. Then, something happens out of the ordinary to make us STOP right in our tracks and re-evaluate our lives. When something like this occurs, it's like a slap in the face to break back to reality. And a scary harsh reality it is. I'm so sorry that an event has taken you out of your comfort zone, and has made you and your family emotionally distraught. I feel for you...and will pray for you.
I, too, am very close to my dad. He's like an idol to me as well. I've always been daddy's girl. We are soo close. He taught me so much in life. He helped to make me who I am today and I have so much to be thankful for from him. I love him with everything in my heart, and I don't know what I'd ever do if I was to find out that his health was not satisfactory or if I was to somehow lose him. These thoughts have come to my mind before, and it had saddened me so much that I never wanted to think about it again until it really happened. Now, you are faced with this feeling and my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine the sadness you must be feeling for it must be unbearable to even think that someone you love so much, so close to you, whom you are so fond of, and is a part of you...is ill. Please be strong. *HUGZ*
Re: I'm sorry...
Date: 2003-06-01 09:52 am (UTC)but reality sucks. i'm trying to deal with the possibility that the worst may occur. I'm hoping it won't..but i need to be prepared for the worst because then, all the responsibilities my dad held will fall upon me. I need to be able to take care of my family.
I'm hoping this won't happen...at least not until my parents are enjoying their sunset years. I'm trying hard to be strong. Just reading/listening to how supportive people are just makes me feel like I can overcome this situation.
Thank you once again. *huggles*
Re: I'm sorry...
Date: 2003-06-03 12:10 am (UTC)