rainy days

[jemz]

ever notice how rainy days can make you think about life? it does for me. It comforts me, brings a cleansing sound to my soul. it allows me to confront my nightmares and the storminess in my heart. the fiery thunderstorms that rock the earth echoes in my mind. i go through different stages of happiness and sadness. it's hard to let go of a fear or bad memory but to move on, letting go is the major step to recovery.

something about thunderstorms is soothing to me. having spent part of my childhood years in texas and wild thuderstorms and tornado warnings, it's a part of me. it is soothing to watch the lightening light up the inky clouds that are roiling around and hear the thunder shake the earth. it makes me feel as if my problems aren't that big and i can let it out as the sky does.

after a thunderstorm, there's a cleansing feel to the world. a fresher, crisper air (since the wind blew away all the bad air!) and a cleaner feel to the earth. i feel renewed and uplifted. but if i'm in a bad mood, i just want it to rain harder.

today, i'm a little more on the downside. remembering things and feeling despondent about them. i'm trying to remember the better things and have more faith in people...but sometimes, i want to give up.

right now....like Ashanti sang

"Rain on me
Lord, won't you take this pain from me
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
Till you just rain on me
Lord, won't you take this pain from me
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe"