jemz: (TeniPuri - good as the wall)
at the hospital just waiting.

I hate waiting.

All that doubt and uncertainty and the hope that aches and hurts inside your soul.

A time of limbo where you wait for ages without the peace of mind that comes with ignorance or settled knowledge.

My stomach is just churning. It's not my fate that I'm waiting to be changed but a loved one's. Hope is a beating a hard drum inside my chest.

Did I mention that I hate waiting?


Jul. 7th, 2009 11:54 pm
jemz: (emo!pikachu)
One of my favorite quotes is an old Indian saying.

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

Michael Jackson, the world cries at your passing. You have lived your life in such a way that you have touched people's lives through your music, your artistry, your humanitarian efforts, and your creativity all over the world.

Many of my favorite musical stars have grown up to your music, have tried to dance the same dances, have sung the same lyrics...regardless if they spoke English or not.

Your music has impacted my life. While my father loved The Beatles with a passion, it was your music that he would sing off key as I tried to dance like I was one of the backup dancers. Much to my grandmother's amusement as well as my parents, I would try out all your dances when your videos on the telly.

Despite my imitation failures, I have always loved your music and the message of love and harmony. It's inspirational and one of the reasons why I constantly volunteer for various causes. Indirectly, you have helped shaped my life and my viewpoint on the global community. I thank you for that.

Rest in peace, MJ. I hope that, in heaven, you are rejoicing with the angels as the world cries and try to heal the world one moonwalk at a time.
jemz: (DBSK - YooSu SQUISH!)
Still alive here!

I wanted to talk about a few things, wrap up my crazy month of April, and talk about my crazier month of May.

But I'm back from New Jersey safely after missing my flight on Sunday. Got to see [Bad username or site: marksykins title=marksy @] get hitched and nearly shed a tear or two. Got [Bad username or site: illumination title=Dichan @] drunk. :Dv Ate some delicious food and had a blast with [Bad username or site: mousapelli title=mousaPi @], [Bad username or site: longleggedgit title=Linds @], [Bad username or site: illumination title=Dichan @], and [Bad username or site: marksykins title=marksy @]!

and then I came home and dived into a huge pile of Fanime emails.

but I have to run! As [Bad username or site: jackoweskla title=Koyamamamamama @] put it, I'm currently dealing with swine-flu related misfortunes. :(
jemz: (DBSK - Jae's :|)
There are lots of happy things in my life right now. My friends, my family, having a job, eating healthy, having fun online with fandom friends, stressing out in planning for my division in Fanime, partying it up with all my friends all year long, hugs from Fishbot, arm/leg warmers, tea, the blue sky, the twinkling stars, weddings, gorgeous singers, my family, my friends.

So many things that I'm grateful for.

But...I can't help myself at the oddest moments, just stopping and staring off into the sky, and fervently praying and being utterly sad. I miss everyone who's moved on from my life. I miss my grandparents. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss friends I've lost touch with.

There's the empty space that's filled with memories and there's a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I remember. I miss the people so much.

And I pray for those who are going through rough times. You're in my thoughts.
jemz: (emo!pikachu)
Sometimes, the ones we love pass on to the next level because it's their time to go.

And others are cruelly ripped away from us without warning.

My heart goes out to [ profile] anjenue's family and close friends for their loss.

I feel like fandom has lost one our brightest stars.

May you rest in peace, Anj. I hope there are lots of beautiful boys playing tennis with you or chatting over loads of data. heart1heart1heart1heart1
jemz: (Jin - pimp hat)

i am so accident-prone this month. it can stop now. *shakes fist* damn you, mercury, for being in retrograde!

i stretched my arms out and accidentally burnt my hand on my table lamp. the other hand. *facepalms* so now i have two gimpy hands. :/ at least one is getting better. time to brush up on my two finger typing skills!

it's been super busy last week and this week! i'm still trying to catch up with things and take a deep breath.

and because i totally forgot to call today, [ profile] racerxmachina & [ profile] roseembolism, can you make it for dinner on Thursday night with [ profile] sandpanther and I for birthday celebration? :D
jemz: (TeniPuri - mada mada dane)
cut for the emo whine )

I'm seeing the girls tonight for some sushi and karaoke. I also hope my ltd ed. Kanjani8 dvd and w-inds. Journey concert dvd arrives today. Otherwise, I have to go to the Post Office to pick it up.

Dept potluck has me stuffed! After not eating much for the last four days, I am stuffed on yummy, yummy food. And clementines. ♥

Also, Happy Birthday to all the Nov/Dec. babies! Happy Birthday, [ profile] inevitabilityy!!!
jemz: (emo!pikachu)
Even if it be Talk Like A Pirate Day today, methinks that it be a day of gloom.

I be ready to kick someone onto the plank to walk. Then I can have a meetin' with Captain Morgan.

But seriously, [ profile] bebiteeny and [ profile] karaz, you and your families are in my prayers. Love you both. *hugglessquishtight*

Yesterday, I totally forgot that my pet wasn't here with us anymore and I opened the door totally expecting to see her there and then was sad when she wasn't. My eyes went to the spot she used to sleep and I saw the little box of her ashes there. I nearly lost it and ended up trying to distract myself away from watching 1 Liter of Tears (and listening to K's Only Human over and over again) with the subbed Summary Backstage clips.

It's all the little things that are jarring and keep me on this edge of "What's next? These things happen in threes." Plus, I've been feeling some spiritual presence near me and it's not soothing enough to not set me on edge.

Edit: So yeah, third thing happened today. Not the best day but not the worst. But at least a lot of this niggling bad feeling has gone away despite being replaced with worse feelings. It's not hanging over my head like an unpleasant surprise. Now that I know what it is, I can work it through and push forward.

I definitely want that Capt'n Morgan and Coke now.
jemz: (solitude)
Today, my heart is broken. heartbreak

Rest in peace, my dearest puppy.

You are the best toy dog a girl could ever have, quiet and mellow and so easy going that everyone who saw you fell in love with you on sight. Even when the rabbit was laughing at you as you chased after her, you were still adorable and tried not to let some whippersnapper of a bunny outrun you, despite the 9 year age difference.

I loved how you warmed my feet up by sitting on them, no matter what the season was. And how you were content to lay like a baby in my arms. I loved how you would always bark for us to let someone into the house just so you could have someone to pet you and give you a lot of attention and love but never bark to let us know who we should be on the lookout for.

I'll miss the sight of you sunning yourself in the backyard, all stretched out on one side with the happy and content air surrounding your body.

I hope doggy heaven is everything you had at home with us. lovely

heart1, jemz

because my puppy is adorable )
jemz: (emo!pikachu)
I want to flail over Arashi's latest PV, Happiness.

I want to flail over w-inds. winning the Best "Student Voice" Group Award.

I want to flail over how good Jin looks and sounds on today's Shounen Club.

I want to flail over Pinky and Six Senses.

I want to flail over Hana Kimi ep. 8 and Oguri Shun.

I want to flail over Keita taking off his tank top and showing everyone at the concert [ profile] shimmeredusk and [ profile] akahannah went to since he's shy about his body but not his arms.

But I can't.

My beloved dog is dying and currently at the emergency vet clinic.

And all I can think of is the inevitability of death and the impending sadness. With my sister crying since early morning and all day long, I feel like I'm a horrible person for not shedding a single tear yet. Not even when she asks me why I'm not crying.

I am sad. and in shock. She's our first pet ever and my sister doted on her even though she is never home to take care of her.

I don't know what to do or say that could convey just how deeply I feel about things.
jemz: (TeniPuri - don't speak idiot!)

it's just going to be another one of those days.
jemz: (DBSK - JaeJoong with Mickey ears)
Insomnia sucks.


And I didn't get to finish baking cookies because I've been so busy as of late. So I made something else for ConOps. Hope it doesn't disappear too quickly.

Anyways, here's something for [ profile] mousapelli.

Not furthering the RevoluSHOON but it has Jin and Yabu! )

I'm gonna go back to counting stars and hope I can sleep before needing to be at work in 4 1/2 hours.

jemz: (TeniPuri - good as the wall)
It's jolting to realize that it's been nearly two years.

I don't want to think about things but oddly enough, today, all my thoughts were centered on it.

I feel this mixture of sadness, despair, grief, and peacefulness. It's confusing until I step away from it all and look away. When I look back, it's crystal clear.

Either way, I made this decision long ago. It's too late for regrets.
jemz: (solitude)
A few things.

♥ Drinks

These are some of the things I've been imbibing in great quantities as of late (to sorta make up for my lack of appetite for solid food)

the liquid diet! )

♥ Asian Boy Bands you should check out. (i.e. Pimp Posts!)

the eye candy diet! good for your ears too. )

♥ Lip Gloss. Because I'm worth it. :-P

I love lip products! )

♥ Some nice bridge accoutrements in Harajuku.

I do so love a male in a suit. *_* )

♥ Song Lyrics.

It's in the Stars! )

Hmmmm...I had more points to put in but I spent a good chunk of my morning on this and will continue it another day.
jemz: (HYD - apples)
Happy White Day!!!

Happy 6th Anniversary to w-inds.!
wheee!!! I can't wait to see them in concert soon!

And because I haven't properly flailed over Hanadan 2 and I watched ep. 8 last night, I just need to squee.

HANAZAWA RUI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14 days until [ profile] shinigamitabris and [ profile] lady_gemma get here!
jemz: (TeniPuri - good as the wall)

Today is full of fail.

and not the fail!Keita sort.
jemz: (Default)
I have this tendency, when I'm dazed and chilling in the backseat of a car, to watch the oncoming traffic. Something about it is soothing to some degree. Weird, I know. But apparantly a very useful thing.

So last night.

[ profile] sandpanther, [ profile] kazuhiku04, and I were on our way to drop [ profile] kazuhiku04 at his hotel after dinner. Right before, [ profile] sandpanther went "Oh LOOK!" at something and he turned his head while I kept looking at the oncoming traffic and wondering why that one car was not slowing down. [ profile] sandpanther moved to make the left turn, going about 8 mph, when I yelled "STOP!" and "WATCH OUT!!!". She looks up and slams the brakes and we were about 3 inches from getting smashed by the Car That Did Not Notice The Same Red Light Everyone Else Did And Kept Going At 45 mph.

I love my angels. Sometimes, I feel the strangest impulses to watch out for things and they save my life. I didn't give into the urge to sink into food coma and close my eyes but I don't think I even blinked during those 5 seconds.

I was shaking. Even if I didn't drive. But hey, I guess I win for backseat co-driver!

And I think that near accident signaled other bad things like my dear old friend Insomnia coming back to visit and my system doing a HUGE HARDWARE FAILURE when I walked into work this morning. Oh. And my pager needs a new battery, apparantly.

This day is gearing up to be a beautiful one. *eyes rolling dark clouds in the sky*
jemz: (QaF - blah)
So today, I'm feeling a lot better and a lot less like Eeyore, even though I'm still a bit gloomy. Well, gloomy for me. and I still can't find my tail! D:

Thanks to everyone who offered advice in my last post! I really do appreciate it and did take some of the advice given. ♥!!! I had ice cream, pocky, hot bubble baths, long walks, puppy piling, curling up in blankets and dramas, vitamins, visit to the cemetary, and just general me time.

I took some quiet time away from everyone to just wallow in depression so I can get it out of my system. I recharged a bit during the puppypiling over the weekend and that was great. I had loved ones take me out for my birthday on Saturday and it was a fantastic time. They even tried to ply with sake (not beer! that's all for [ profile] etoilenoir959!) and I got pleasantly tipsy and a teeniest bit motionsick with [ profile] sandpanther and [ profile] yzo nudging me from side to side. Dinner was fun on Sunday and I got to play paparazzi during the Fanime meeting. >:3

Then I fought a cold with my superfighting abilities. I "blueberry blitz"ed it into oblivion. XD I am still winning my war against that nasty winter Flu/Cold that has been winning against people, including every member of my household (except my sister).

Now, as I sludge through the work week, the happy thought is that I get my order from CDJapan soon! Glay's Love is Beautiful cd, w-inds.' Hanamuke single, and Lovely Complex (along with Ultraman Moebius the movie for [ profile] sandpanther) will be in my grasping little hands by the end of the week.

This week, I've been acting a bit silly and more like my normal self by rockin' out to DBSK's O - jun ban lup and pretending to be a badass dancer. Like Ryohei. Except I can't breakdance. So I just do the Keita!booty dance with some degree of success.

Plus, thoughts of going to Japan is keeping me cheerful. As well as the thought of [ profile] sandpanther's growing proficiency at recognizing some JPop and liking it. Also, I am extremely tickled pink that I will not have to pay all that much for hotel fees while I am there. Bank of Friends will take care of a good portion of it! XDv *w-ins*

Hmmm...Valentine's Day is coming up. I wonder if I'll have a sweetheart for it. *muses*

How are you lovelies doing?

P.S. *snuggles* to [ profile] bouncy & [ profile] spurious. I'm thinking of you both. There aren't any words I can say but I'm just thinking of the both of you and keeping them in my prayers.
jemz: (TeniPuri - good as the wall)
What do you guys do to cheer yourself up when you wake up utterly depressed?


jemz: (Default)

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