jemz: (Default)
It’s amazing to me that within the span of a year, I went through so many ups and downs on a huge emotional rollercoaster.

I was ecstatic to hear that Dad was cancer-free, then it came back, we found our first apt together only to have the N lose his job, giving up our apt., then he accepted another job the day we left for our Euro-trip, he asked my parents for my hand in marriage and proceeded to propose to me in the fabulous and romantic Gardens of Versailles, we came back to the States only to immediately head to Stanford Hospital where Dad was hospitalized for a few days, then deal with the struggles of an aggressive cancer and all its side effects, then lose Dad in his struggle, the arrangements of his funeral, stepping up to take all the responsibilities as head of the household, to dealing with grief, finding normalcy in life without him, to planning our wedding, to getting married a week and a half ago at SF City Hall.

All in the span of a single year.

Crazy, isn’t it? But life is so precious. I’m cherishing every moment of mine.


Jul. 7th, 2009 11:54 pm
jemz: (emo!pikachu)
One of my favorite quotes is an old Indian saying.

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

Michael Jackson, the world cries at your passing. You have lived your life in such a way that you have touched people's lives through your music, your artistry, your humanitarian efforts, and your creativity all over the world.

Many of my favorite musical stars have grown up to your music, have tried to dance the same dances, have sung the same lyrics...regardless if they spoke English or not.

Your music has impacted my life. While my father loved The Beatles with a passion, it was your music that he would sing off key as I tried to dance like I was one of the backup dancers. Much to my grandmother's amusement as well as my parents, I would try out all your dances when your videos on the telly.

Despite my imitation failures, I have always loved your music and the message of love and harmony. It's inspirational and one of the reasons why I constantly volunteer for various causes. Indirectly, you have helped shaped my life and my viewpoint on the global community. I thank you for that.

Rest in peace, MJ. I hope that, in heaven, you are rejoicing with the angels as the world cries and try to heal the world one moonwalk at a time.
jemz: (Jin - blank canvas)
It's a day that's joyful and sad. My thoughts dwell on [ profile] danxsunday and his loved ones. Rest in Peace, Dan.

And Happy Chinese/Vietnamese/Lunar New Year, everyone! Keep celebrating life.

Because I'm curious!!!

jemz: (DBSK - Jae's :|)
There are lots of happy things in my life right now. My friends, my family, having a job, eating healthy, having fun online with fandom friends, stressing out in planning for my division in Fanime, partying it up with all my friends all year long, hugs from Fishbot, arm/leg warmers, tea, the blue sky, the twinkling stars, weddings, gorgeous singers, my family, my friends.

So many things that I'm grateful for.

But...I can't help myself at the oddest moments, just stopping and staring off into the sky, and fervently praying and being utterly sad. I miss everyone who's moved on from my life. I miss my grandparents. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss friends I've lost touch with.

There's the empty space that's filled with memories and there's a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I remember. I miss the people so much.

And I pray for those who are going through rough times. You're in my thoughts.
jemz: (DBSK - Jae loves wine)
Konbanwa, minna-san!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the United States!! Did you eat well!?

I had lots of food onigiricakericebreadcup So much that I was really full!! sweat

Today is not just about food, ne? It's about giving thanks to what we hold important in our lives. I'm thankful for my family and friends. thumbsup My life is made richer because of them and YOU. I'm thankful for food. Because it's so delicious and I'm very happy when I'm eating with friends and family. These are things that give me strength to work long hours (even tonight! at 1:30AM! DD:) and do the things I need to accomplish.

I'm thankful most of all to being alive. Because I can keep growing, keep experiencing new things and loving hearts who I want to love lovely , to achieve things that I've always been interested in achieving, and being loved in return. heart1

And in being thankful on this day, I remember and grieve for those whose innocent lives were taken away so cruelly in the world. I thank that their presence made someone happy for a period of time. I thank them for their time, enriching others no matter how brief their earthly stay.

Today, I am thankful for everything. Tomorrow, I will keep trying to make a difference in the world. lightbulb Minna, I hope you will try along with me.


Sep. 11th, 2008 11:58 pm
jemz: (earth in water)
...the silence in which I mourn still lingers...

The world still remembers as we mourn and respect your brave souls on this day.
jemz: (SuJu - emo!Eeteuk)

Today, jemz-chan has been very reflective.

Life is very precious, ne? We live through many different events that allow us to grow. sweatpunch2 Whether we grow weaker downarrow or stronger arrowup, we decide our own path of destiny. jeans Walking or running, we head towards our future and accept the good and the bad times, learning from each experience.

jemz-chan connected to someone special. Someone who was taken from jemz-chan's beloved community prematurely. heartbreak Someone who saw the preciousness of life and friends. littlediamond Even though jemz-chan wasn't close, still, strong emotions were felt. Ties of commonality were tugged and grief was strong. punch2

But jemz-chan does not want to drown in tears of grief.;O; Rather than crying teardrop, jemz-chan wants to celebrate this special someone's life as this person has lived it. sparklessparkles Wants to reach out and relish in her devotion to educationtheatre or dance to her favorite songs. bell jemz-chan wants to celebrate that this person has touched so many online computer and in person phone1 and hopes that everyone will continue to remember this special person's positive energy lightbulb and continue to love life in a similar fashion!

Life is full of savored moments and precious people. It makes jemz-chan want to hug everyone and tell them that they are all special to jemz-chan. My precious treasure. present

Happy Birthday to [ profile] myrafur, [ profile] tinyangl, [ profile] peacock, [ profile] phonestrap, [ profile] bebiteeny's dad, bestest's dad, and my dad! I hope your days are filled with wonderful memories of laughter and good friends and delicious cake!!!

ETA: Kanjani8 & KAT-TUN SUMMER TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED. Kanjani8 at SunDome Fukui on July 11/12. KAT-TUN at Osaka on July 16/17. THESE DATES FIT INTO MousaPi's and my plans. YESSSS. THEY DO. *excited*
jemz: (emo!pikachu)
Sometimes, the ones we love pass on to the next level because it's their time to go.

And others are cruelly ripped away from us without warning.

My heart goes out to [ profile] anjenue's family and close friends for their loss.

I feel like fandom has lost one our brightest stars.

May you rest in peace, Anj. I hope there are lots of beautiful boys playing tennis with you or chatting over loads of data. heart1heart1heart1heart1
jemz: (TeniPuri - good as the wall)
It's jolting to realize that it's been nearly two years.

I don't want to think about things but oddly enough, today, all my thoughts were centered on it.

I feel this mixture of sadness, despair, grief, and peacefulness. It's confusing until I step away from it all and look away. When I look back, it's crystal clear.

Either way, I made this decision long ago. It's too late for regrets.
jemz: (rainsoaked Kakashi)
Grief is never pretty. Ever.

It's something so raw and soul-shattering that its repercussions lasts for years.

It lingers in me, subtley hidden under the layers and layers of my cheerful personality. The gray, seething mass that simmers until it either boils down to a small mass that's easily boxed away in a neat compartment in my head or when more tears, emotions, and ripped pieces of my heart is poured into the mix, keeping it renewed and bubbling.

Grief never goes away completely. Even though I wish with all my might that it would.

I must be super sensitive because hearing about the deaths of close friends of my siblings, people I've met, exchanged an conversation or inside joke, it pours into the simmering pot. Renewing the phatom pain. It brings to my mind the loved ones who've passed on, each and every single one, along with the memories, sadness, and pain. It hurts to see my sibs grieve. If I could do anything prevent their pain, I would. But I sit there, helplessly hugging my sister as she cries for her friend while tears of sadness roll down my cheeks.

I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with always grieving.

Rest in peace, my friend.


jemz: (Default)

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